wot-ya-godda-do is remix da snott off da original dope trax, and upx it strait to da man. If he likes it, you get da honours and blessings from da man himself, and afta you scribble yer jon henry onto his shylocks paper contractual obligations, and to da presses you go wid yer top doped-up, hopped-up remix-master trax into da wax scene, and wid a little payout of royaltez, you'd be lookin' at da rest of uz bowen to you az if we'z not worthy! 'till da next boys come aroun' wid the nex new ting. ya savy? Laurens van Graft The Grip Guy All your gymnastics grip needs right here! Abolish Daylight Savings Time; its past it's usefulness On Jul 8, 2004, at 11:08 PM, organism@hydrophilus.com wrote:
Query to the musicianstyle groupnerds:
How does Act X get into the pants of Act Y as a remixer? Who propositions whom?
Does David Hasslehoff sidle up next to to Oliver Lieb at the Secret Members Only Night Train 84 Club and say, "My music stinks, and is riper and deeper than an ocean of used diapers - please rescue my song before anyone notices! Help me Oliver-wan Liebnobi, you're my only hope!"
Or does Moby significantly, salaciously and solicitously wink across the outdoor bar seating area to where are seated The Other Two? Does he then saunter or sashay over to them carrying a couple of frosty glasses filled with coloful and partially frozen contents under a paper umbrella? Does he break the ice with a levelly delivered, killer [but not for animals] pickup line?
Moby: "You know, I'm a remixer. [Ahhhh.] I do uhhhmmm... trancey club tracks, I do abrasive rock covers, I do ambient sleepy stuff, that type of thing. Would you like to hear something sweet? Go ahead. Take a listen. Whaddya say we uhhh... go back to your studio and uhmmm... talk?"
Steven Morris: "My bandmates're there."
Moby: "Bonus!"
Gillain Gilbert: "You're a rascal! Hee hmm hmmm!"
Or is it all done via Labels or Managers or is it lottery? What's the deal?
[I mean, really, who hooked David Hasslehoff and Oliver Lieb together? What were they looking for, a total cancel-out of all of the musical energy in the known 'verse?? The king of purged-lunch-on-wax all dolled up purty for the party by the master of music! I just can't even imagine what the result must have been. I'm too afraid to purchase the single - half from the embarassment of knowingly owning any of Michael Knight's croons, and half for fear that despite his near-deific powers of musical magick, the Supreme High Elf from the Black Forest Himself might just have failed to not totally sully his image against what I can only think of as insurmountable odds. Egad! [Afternote: Anyone with direct personal experience with the tracks in question that is also not prone to deceit should consider his or her-self invited to either confirm or deny the need for the fears expressed in this matter. - Editor]
Just so's this is topical, this question has arisen resultant from the current remix contests involving D+B source materials. I got to wondering, outside of a contest such as this, how does the fictional Ben The Amateur Remixer "get into the in crowd" and become our still fictional but somewhat more successful Ben The Almighty Wizard of World-reknowned Wax-whacks?
Do I just call up our man Boris and say, "Hey cuz, I got your number, right, I seen you up in this magazine. Dude tole me you do some tracks, right. I wanna be like git wichoo and make some beats. So call me back I live in DC. And I like to, you know, we get togethah, we make some money. I heard you's dope, you da man. I got some fresh tracks.. and um, I make hits. I don't have no records out yet, but I make hits. So please call me back at them numbers, and if my mother say... I may be at my grandmother house... if... if my mother answer the phone she'll give you my cousin's beeper number. So let's wax this off, allright cuz? Peace out! Money nine niiiiine...."
... and then wait for his breathless and anticipation-heavy return call?
Party.
Rock.
--gcr
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