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Paris (AP) -- The cycling world was again rocked by charges that urine samples from St. Jean Baptiste, stored since approximately 0003 BC, have tested positive for banned substances. 

 

Dick Pound and WADA officials announced the startling accusations from the editorial offices of French newspaper L'Equip.

 

Baptiste won twenty-seven consecutive Tours de France straddling the BC-to-AC converstion.  Reviled by some for his habit of spraying rancid River Jordan water on competitors from his water vessel, he later became known amongst Canadians as The Beaver, in honor of his tireless training and work ethic, and his passion for mentoring younger riders. 

 

Greg Lemond, recently in Salt Lake City on other business, expressed both shock and admiration.  He speculated that "the Beav's popularity here in the new world may well have played into all this," adding, "In my opinion, he was in a class by himself.  You should've seen that mother climb."

 

A Utah organization known as the BBTC has scheduled a ride this Sunday to coincide with Canada's celebration of The Beav Day.  The 68-miler will ascend both Little and Big Cottonwood Canyons.  The BBTC has already been the subject of multiple secret court proceedings because no one associated with the organization will confirm the real meaning of the "T." 

 

National luminaries are expected to lend moral support.  Darryl Hanna is bringing a tree.

 

Details regarding the ride may be found at the calendar link of www.bbtc.net 

 

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