Hi Patrik (and list members),
Those are some pretty intense lyrics! I can
only guess that it's based on a true-life experience for you.
I have one HUMBLE suggestion. If you'd like
the song to have a broader appeal, I'd suggest that you remove the name "Denise"
and replace it with something a little more generic...such as "my love" or
something along those lines. This gives the listener the opportunity to
connect with the song on their own personal level. If you give a specific
name, then it becomes trickier to relate to. Plus, in my again humble
opinion, I don't think "Denise" is a particularly easy name to sing in a
lyric. It's a nice enough name, it just doesn't seem very musical to
me.
But that's just my opinion. :-)
I do the songwriting thing, too. You can
check out some early lyrics and soundclips (including electric and acoustic
cover versions of the Police's "So Lonely") at www.project37.net. Strictly a hobby
for me, not quitting my day job anytime soon!
Cheers,
Brian
-----Original Message-----
From: Ulrica & Patrik [mailto:
lutyou at
comhem.se]
Sent: 11 November 2003 20:38
To:
police at
mailman.xmission.comSubject: [Police] [OFF-TOPIC] Lyrics.
I
hope this won't piss anyone off, but many of you guys are
English-speakers
and I'm not. And still it's about music and lyrics by a
Sting-fan so it's
kind of related to the list anyway. I just wrote some
lyrics (below) and I'd
like some input on it (both language and
content).