(Warning: This post contains some physics and chemistry, and perhaps some humor, but relatively little math. It may be offensive to Republicans and Democrats.) The US government is implementing two approaches to the pandemic, and has rejected a third: 1) Release several trillion tons of Freon, a clean, odorless, non-toxic, non-combustible refrigerant, into the atmosphere. This will eliminate the highly toxic ozone gas from the stratosphere, and will allow the sun's life-giving radiance to sterilize all coronavirus on all outdoor surfaces. It will also get rid of all other kinds of viruses, bacteria, and fungi. Also mold, mildew, roaches, rodents, and all other vermin. As an added bonus, this will discourage people from leaving home, since people who don't mind the risk of a viral illness may be deterred by the risk of a severe sunburn. Another bonus is that it will decrease the incidence of both smoking and obesity, by reducing crop yields. Also, it will revitalize America's chemical industry. Very little Freon is produced anywhere in the world today, so the US can easily become the world's leader in this field. The only downside is that it won't eliminate coronavirus indoors or inside people. It can be made to eliminate coronavirus indoors, at least in sunny rooms, if windows are left wide open, or their glass replaced with UV-transparent silica glass. An earlier proposal suggested using Halon rather then Freon. It was decided against when it was realized that, although Halon wouldn't interfere with respiration, it would suppress all combustion. It would mean no more home furnaces, gas stoves, blast furnaces, or internal combustion engines. It would also mean no smoking of tobacco, marijuana, or crack cocaine. 2) All experts agree that the pandemic will last until 2021. There will be no vaccine until then, nor will it be practical to reopen businesses, schools, churches, and entertainment venues. Inspired by the 1753 (in Britain and its then-colonies, earlier or later elsewhere) calendar shift, in which 11 days were skipped, and by our annual ritual of getting more sunlight by setting clocks ahead by one hour, the Department of Calendar has ruled that the day after April 1, 2020 will be April 2, 2021. Also, there will be a long-overdue change to the Gregorian leap-year rule. Instead of adding a day if the year is divisible by 4, subtracting a day if the year is divisible by 100, then adding a day if the year is divisible by 400, the new rule will be to add a day for every odd number that the year is divisible by and subtracting a day for every even number that the year is divisible by. In addition to bringing a quick end to the pandemic, this has the advantage of ensuring full employment to computer programmers (to update all software that deals with calendars), and making every American eligible for Medicare and Social Security a year sooner than they otherwise would have been. 3) A proposed Coronavirus Manhattan Project was vetoed by President Trump. He said that although nuclear weapons would certainly kill viruses, their use has undesirable side effects. Specifically, they harm vital infrastructure, such as hotels, casinos, and golf courses, and roads and bridges that lead to those facilities. When Fauci told him that it's only an analogy, the president replied that he has known for years that it's only an analogy, and that he's the world's greatest expert on analogies, and on Manhattan. They only people who know anywhere near as much about analogies as he does are his trusted friends Vladimir Putin, Xi Jinping, Kim_Jong-un, and Mohammed bin Salman. "Especially the last, as he knows just how to deal with journalists from the fake news Washington Post." Ms. Clinton responded that if only Obamacare were still mandatory, every American would get unlimited lifesaving treatment for covid-19, hence nobody would die of it. (My past April 1st messages to this list had a lot more math in them. Those who are relatively new to the list, please email me directly if you want me to send them to you. Thanks.)