Best Of 2003 Is Stupid A FAIR(Y) TALE Once upon a time in a distant galaxy, people knew the difference between good and bad, be it music or manners. For example, people who liked metal, disliked disco and vice versa. The alternative music, disliked by metallists and discoheads alike, foretold the rave boom (and, sadly enough, the future glamour disco revival). During the indie dance explosion, the borders between the genres "alternative" and "alternative dance" quickly disappeared. Although the pop culture made his own products during the acid house revolution, it didn't matter, since the REAL THING was the dance happening. People who were involved in it knew that THEY were right and the big labels with their marketed pop stars were the falsies. Now it's the very beginning of 2000 fucking 4, and the "real thing" has disappeared, as it grew into something it should never supposed to be. People forgot that the revolution was Genaside II and Meat Beat Manifesto and NOT The Prodigy. People forgot that Bomb The Bass and Coldcut were (and still ARE) good. Now it's okay to listen to scooter for even us, who know that those bastids stole everything from the Real Ones, be it Public Enemy (PE said "Bring The Noise", scooter says "We bring the noise"), or a whole line from 2K. Well, fuck them. Once upon a time rap was about and for the poor. Now most rap acts appear like millionaires even in their first video. Cauty and Drummond were right in their "Manual": rap has soon lost its street credibility. People want to hear P. Diddy and Nelly, not Michael Franti or Chuck D. But, like I said, we knew the difference. We knew that Nelly and Diddy are sellouts, that Outkast now become like a moving fashion show, and their last good album was "Stankonia". We knew the "score". And then, suddenly, it became "cool" to listen to Justin Timberlake, Nelly and Pharrell Williams. WHY? Everytime I see a list with these names, I wonder. I wonder even more when it comes to K-fans. OK, Williams, Nelly and Justin did "hits". Anyone can listen to a "hit", that's simple. Hits got more to do with packaging and video than music and talent. And let me tell something: I understand why girls do listen to Justin Timberlake, Craig David, etc. But I can't see a fucking reason why should I myself like them. They sing for the girls, they want to get more pussy, well that's what their biz is all about, OK. Just listen to Justin's self-indulgent efforts. Look at that hairy cliché named Lenny Kravitz. Listen to Craig David as he moans "Mmmyeahhhhh! Mmmmmmyeahhhh!" in "Rise and Fall". And he even managed to recruit that old punkster, Sting to sing along with him on that fondue-geyser of a song! It's a shame! And yet some guys think these hitmakers know something ("Look, Sting sings with him! He's COOL! He MUST be cool!"). They know fuck nothing. Let's see: -Pharrel Williams and co. write the same fucking song over and over and over. I mixed together "Good Stuff" by Kelis and "Got Your Money" by Ol' Dirty Bastard in my New Years Eve bootlegset (more about bootlegs later), said that it was a brand new song called "I Got Your Good Stuff" and nobody complained. BECAUSE IT WAS THE SAME FUCKING SONG!!! Nobody cared about how poorly I mixed them together. The (s)hit always works. Proper songs demand attention, hits never. Now about Williams' "personal" side. I don't care if he's "anti-war" or anything because music makes me tick, not what the artist says. So he may be a clever person, but his music is misogynist and technically primitive. Fact. -Nelly is a sellout to me, no matter what anybody says. Hangig around with that old fart Hugh Hef while your people are dying of AIDS and police shots, pretending to be one of the rich and shameless and "being down wit' tha kru", these just don't go easy at the same time. Either he's a street-credible rapper or a rich man's rapper. He can't be both. And how cool is it that somebody pretends to be a downright person, while wearing fat golden necklaces never seen on anybody since the glory days of Run DMC? Nelly just don't care anything but sales and cool-looking videos, and that's what makes him a pretentious sell-out for me. -Craig David is everywhere. He sings in your dad's stereo car system (dad used to like Sting, ya know), he's making your mama dream abot a better life (what would have happened if she wasn't your dad's wife but the ladyfriend of that ski-hatted, nicely-trimmed and well-waxed bloke), and by the time you read this, he'll also be fondling your little sister's breasts. So kick him out of that bed, burn his CD on high fire and tune elsewhere on mum's radio. That's the only way to keep evil away. There ain't worse when a big womanizer comes in the clothing of a romantic, "genius" dreamer. Remember that the last fucker who claimed himself a "genius" was Terence Trend D'Arby and the dead guy from Milli Vanilli. So, burn that CD, tune away that radio. And convert your sister to the first Doors album, any Death In June long-player or the early Sisters Of Mercy songs. That's how a genius' works sound like. -Justin Timberlake has some lines like this: "You're a good girl and that's what makes me Justin" and "Don't fear me, it's just Justin." He even had the nerve to name his album "Justified". Especially, this latter move is what makes me sick. "Justified" can only be said or written if one's following it with "& Ancient". At least for a hardline KLF-fan. And he's neither justified nor ancient. He's a young falsie who sang in a boyband, nothing more. Going out with rappers and other "hardcore" persons don't make him less laughable. He's NOT justified. He's just a golden boy, a lucky loser who went big in a boyband. Neither drugs nor fucking in the streets can clear his past. Robbie Williams knows this. And just look at those eyes, always looking for fresh girl-flesh! And those on-stage poses! That's a boyband-singer's look and acting, not a "justified" person's. He's a crowdpleaser, not a true rocker. He himself said, he's "only Justin". Well, Justin, don't come too near to Hungary, 'cause if you do, you can just as well rename yourself Justin Farinelli. The only good thing he has lent his voice to was the Go Home Productions bootlegs. Let's hope he'll find a nice venereal disease in some groupie. Or maybe ten years later he too will reveal that behind a macho's mask there is ALWAYS a little gay guy. Till that happens, You can only hope he doesn't come too near to yur family's female members. NOW SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT Bootlegs. Once it was illegal to steal songs (see "The Queen And I" by The JAMs), now what do I see on MTV? A shitty show called "mash". So lo and behold, we recycled, renamed it and it's not a "bootleg" anymore. It's "mash" and it was made by MTV (Missionary Television, as Drummond called it). Once again, MTV were the inventors, because they sold it first to the lame public. It's even worse in the indie scene. Now it's cool to be in a two-member band, it's cool again to name Your band "The ___s", and so on. Every fucking band has guitars and they sound all the same. Boring, isn't it? Sad to see that shows like Big Brother and co. has also infected music. Talentless millions and talented dozens grouped in programs where the talented were finally made just as marketed as the regular one-hit wonder pop stars. And yet the stupid believe that's the way the talents are discovered. Shit, piss, and industrial waste, my friends. Look on the judges' face: they can't wait to offer these talents an LP for the small price of a blow-job or a fine reaming. Nice, nice very nice. Marylin Manson is considered a "genius", a "geniune provocateur", etc. Bullshit. Labach did everything before him and did it better. Laibach's music and personas are still considered as "nazi" and "dangerous" in some places. Well, the uniform that Laibach's first singer wore was a postman's uniform. People thought it was a Nazi uniform, it wasn't. They just saw what they wanted to see. Manson is their clone. He wears REAL Nazi stuff, and gets away with it. He added some Garbage-sounding guitars, some Bowie-esque pose and nothing much. Manson even had the nerve to stole Laibach's brand new on-stage look (drummers on the two sides of the stage, for example). He knows nothing. Those Slovenian guys, whose country was in war several times, had some reason. Manson had none. The press quickly went on to search further "nazi" bands. Some claimed that Rammstein were also "too German-looking". Then they found the neofolk/neogoth scene. Bravo. They didn't paid much attention way back when it has started. Now some writers focus again on Death In June. Douglas P. from DIJ is also considered as a "Nazi". Nobody cared about him going to the former Yugoslavia, playing concerts and releasing a CD whose income was donated to a Yugoslavian hospital. After him, it become "cool" to go to wars and play (The Carter boys also played there, if I remember correctly). Before him: nobody. Nobody noticed that he fonded a label there, to help local artists. To the best of my knowledge, NOBODY killed under the influence of any DIJ (or any "neofolk") tracks. The neofolk movement is simply nonviolent. Those fuckers who killed in schools mostly listened to....guess who? Most alternative artists have only one house, one car and some of them are vegetarians. Yet they are the ugly ones and not artists like P.Diddy who live like rich bastards and give only little bits away for donations. They are considered as "the good guys". Funny, isn't it? Now that every music journal and TV show is about "music", one would think "they want my music too, because, You know, I'm in a band, etc, etc". But NO, they don't want YOU to make music. They just want TEHIR OWN marketed alternative music-which is not alternative, becuse it's got nothing to do with experimentalism. I turn on the "alternative" shows on VH1 or MTV or Viva+, it's all the same: bands+guitars. And guess what, it's FUCKING BORING!!! It's NOT alternative music! Here's a taste of real alternative music: Meat Beat Manifesto, Coldcut, Thrill Kill Kult, Laibach, Death In June, The Shamen. And nobody's showing their clips, because they were alternative. Only one exception: Viva Zwei was the greatest when it came to alternative music, art terrorism or anything like that. I think I'm not the only one who misses them. I wrote this bloody letter because I'm not satisfied with the "now" music, and becuse I read someone's "best of 2003" list on the KLF mailing list. I could add comments, but why. I look back to the singles I bought in 2003, and most of them were made well before '03. Only one exception: "Every Way That I Can" by Sertab. Now, that has a refrain. That's a perfect pop song. And it has even some belly-dance in the video and belly-dance and harems are, You know, kinda erotic. So it rules. With the vid or wihout the vid, that music works. And yet it's marketed. But I don't care because at least I don't listen to that pussybuster Justin or Craig or Enrique mofos. I wanted to write my own top 10 for 2003 but I couldn't find anything worth a listen, except that track. So I collected my most-listened tracks-in-2003 here with some comments about the why's. 1. The KLF: Last Train To Trancentral (Be it the 1989 or the Live From... version, it STILL the best!!!) 2. Death In June: Luther's Army (The "Black Whole Of Love" version, which also appears on the DIJ best of "DISCriminate". Along with the tracks "Rose Clouds Of Holocaust" and "Leopard Flowers", it is among the best tracks ever made by DIJ, or any artist in the whole world -anytime.) 3. Shivaree: John, 2/14 (The ultimate summer song, from the best band of our time.) 4. Nikka Costa: So Have I For You (The best female voice EVER. And she's sexy too [that how rock'n'roll works]. Nikka kicks Lenny Kravitz in his lame ass. Nikka's whole 2001 album rocks and rolls.) 5. Negativland: All She Called (Forever Favourites. They are among the best.) 6. EMF: Arizona (Oh, you know. This is their best song.) 7. Ciccone Youth: Into The Groovey (The first best cover version ever made.) 8. Sisters Of Mercy: Tenple Of Love (Also among the best original songs ever made by anybody. Whether it's the original version or the '92 update, it has literally everything.) 9. My Life With The Thrill Kill Kult: Mission: Stardust (Nice song from a funny album from a fun band...>:D) 10. Revolting Cocks: Da Ya Think I'm Sexy? (The second best cover version ever made.) And that was 2003 for me, and this is the end of the letter because my beercan is finally empty and that's how my musings go away. a Gyerek "You think I know fuck nothing....I know fuck all!" (Bran Van 3000) _________________________________________________________________ The new MSN 8: advanced junk mail protection and 2 months FREE* http://join.msn.com/?page=features/junkmail