This interview took place in on Hampstead Heath on the occasion of my finding former KLF roadist Gimpo hiding in the shubbery there while I was pottering around hankering after a couple of wichity grubs (I should have realised they're only on the telly not real). To this day, I have no idea what he was doing there unless he'd been subject to the same televisual delusion. Anyway, I had scarcely swallowed my gobstopper in surprise when the burly former manager of Buster Hymen and the Penetrators had rugby-tackled me to the ground and was attempting to spit petrol into my mouth. A few minutes later, I had this exclusive interview in the bag: Q: So why did the K Foundation burn a million quid, then, G? G: Well it hadn't started out like that. Bob and Jimmy were a bit worried that their accountants were planning to do a Sting or a George Harrison on them and make off for the Mexican border with their cash, so they nipped that one in the bud and filled out a withdrawal form for a mill. But on the way back from Hampstead, Bob had a dose of the jitters and persuaded me, Jimmy and a journalist I'd knocked down when the landrover mounted the pavement to make ourselves scarce and head up north in case we started to get all these charity cases like Z and whoever trying to get their arm in on the cash. Not to mention the taxman. And anyway before we knew it we were heading across a beach on the Isle of Jura towards a shed. By the time we fot there, the cash had got all wet because Bob didn't want to give the game away by carrying it in a big briefcase and that. So he'd had it stuffed up his jumper all the way up. It was getting dark so we got into the shed and decided that we'd spend the night there. I lit the fire and, well, what happened was that Bob was trying to dry his jumper and it ended up he left the cash too close to the fire while we were admiring the workmanship on the shed rafters there. Q: It was that simple? A: Well yeah. I mean once the first couple of hundred quid had gone up, we were jumping around trying to stomp it out but only ended up spreading the fire. So anyway, that was when I started filming and once they were on camera, that was it. They were off. Hardcore. Q: They didn't stop to think? They weren't going to be seen to be soft, were they? But anyway, there was a bit in the middle that I had to edit out when the door of the shed blew open and some of the cash made a beeline for the beach with the journalist running after it. At that point, Jimmy started to blub a bit. 'Oh fuck. What are we doing?' But that just encouraged Bob to carry on throwing it on the fire and he was telling me to keep filming so Jimmy eventually wasn't to be outdone was he? Q: So that explains the policeman finding bits of burned cash on the beach then. A: That'll be it, yeah. Q: Why, then, did they spend the best part of two years doing a book and a tour asking students why they'd burned it? A: Well they didn't want to look stupid, did they? So Bob thought that if they took out a few ads and went round the students that one of them would come up with a decent explanation instead of 'Because Bob left it too close to the fire' Q: But they didn't, did they? A: No. Q: So that's why there was the moratorium on the subject of the burning of the million? A: Yeah. They didn't want to talk about it. ___________________________________________________________ Win a castle for NYE with your mates and Yahoo! Messenger http://uk.messenger.yahoo.com