My Christmas Letter It's that time of year when the mailbox is full of Christmas letters from family and friends. They come in all forms. Some are poignant, some are pleasant and some are just painful to read. As a Cougar Sportsline or Cougar Clicks subscriber, consider this Christmas letter from me to you as your dose of holiday punishment. I have been cranking out Cougar Sportsline for 33 years. I now understand what Dorothy Parker wrote years ago when she said, "I hate writing, but love having written." It's been an interesting year. For the 12 months, my wife has been experiencing some health issues. It has caused a shakeup in our regular domestic routine. I now have been doing a lot of the meal preparation in our house. Quite frankly, I think I might be a borderline gourmet cook. My two go-to dishes I can always count on are corn dogs and fish sticks. The secret is to smother both in condiments. My favorite, of course is ketchup. I have tried Del Monte, Hunts and Heinz, but discovered that the Western Family brand is the best. I find it to be artistically subtle and artfully demure. That's more than I can say for the newsletter. I had a bout of depression in late November. Before Thanksgiving, I had never shot a handgun. My son-in-law was in town for the holiday. He is a Secret Service agent and has plenty of experience and training in that field. He invited me to go shoot with him. I did. It was depressing. They put a one square foot paper target down range at about 10 yards. After firing all the bullets in the gun, the target came back. It was still in pristine condition. If we were shooting in the Marriott Center, I can hear the chants.Air ball, Air Ball, Air Ball. I thought shooting a handgun was easy. I have seen Clint Eastwood, Bruce Willis and even John Wayne do it all the time. They never miss. I did and am still depressed. My lack of marksmanship has caused some alterations in my home security plans. Now instead of relying on a gun to keep intruders from invading my home, I purposely over cook a corn dog and fish stick every night before going to bed. The smell is enough to keep any, and all away. This year is my last in the senior citizen apprenticeship program. Next year, I will officially be an old man. Barring a fiscal cliff collapse or an amended Mayan calendar, I will be on Medicare in July. Speaking of health, mine is pretty good. I don't expect it to stay that way. My initials, HB, used to stand for Hunky Body. Now they stand for Has Been. I have lost hair, energy, muscle mass, distance off my golf drives and other things. I had a friend tell me that I should purchase some testosterone cream and it would solve all of those issues. I passed on the cream and looked for a tried and true source of increased testosterone. A month ago, I bought a truck. Nothing says vibrant, virile, masculine and macho like a man and his truck. It is a 1986 Ford 150. I didn't ask for the CarFax on the truck and so far nobody has asked for the CarFax on me. If I remember correctly, 1986 was a good year for trucks and a pretty good year for me. I feel my testosterone levels already rising. I have already made 4 trips to the county dump. Sometimes I actually haul trash to the dump. There is something about a man, his truck and the dump that simply screams testosterone. My dad, later in his life, suffered from prostate cancer and Parkinson's disease. When asked by family and friends how he was feeling he would always reply in one of two ways. His first response to questions about his health was, "I seem to be deteriorating right on schedule. Thanks for asking." His second response was, "There's nothing wrong with me that a good resurrection won't fix." My dad was a believer. So am I. I am a believer in the Plan of Salvation. I am a believer in the Savior of the world and his role as the centerpiece of that plan. . Celebrating his birth during this season really does mean something to me. Please accept my best wishes to you and yours for your own meaningful Christmas celebration. Merry Christmas hb fired his handgun y secret, are Hate writing but love having written Dorothy parker Corn dogchange of lifestyle me I kichen Artistically subtle and artfully demure Bout of depression handgun shooting How hard could it be clint bruce and john wayne never missed. Ten yards out my I've shot plenty of air balls I basketball, but never expected to shoot air bullets Protect with burnt corndogs and fish sticks. Finishing up my final year of old man apprenticeship. Next year I am officially a bona fide senior citizen Medicare etc Deteriorating right on schedule and nothing wrong with me that a good resurrection can't fix.