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Vol. 36, Issue 15– November 16, 2015
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Baghdad Bob’s Spin on Missouri’s 20-16 Win over BYU
I hate it when after a loss, the media, fans and chat room chafers pile on the Cougars with derogatory and depressing remarks. Such was the case this past Saturday as Missouri beat BYU 20-16.
This needs to stop. That’s why I have sent an email to the BYU sports information department suggesting that they up their game by hiring a proven propagandist with a track record of turning lemons into lemonade.
I tracked down Baghdad Bob of Iraq war fame. Turns out he is still alive and living in the United Arab Emirates under an assumed name: Ali Wanna-Do Ispinit.
Here is how I imagine Baghdad Bob’s take on the game:
Cougars finally get entrance to a P-5 conference: BYU’s wish came true last Saturday night with the 20-16 loss to Missouri. BYU now is fully qualified to join Southeast Missouri State (4-6), Arkansas State (7-3), UConn (5-5) and South Carolina (3-7) as a charter member of the LTM (Lost to Missouri) league.
BYU can still make the College Football Playoffs: All BYU fans have to do is buy 48 million six-packs of Dr. Pepper and Larry Culpepper (the DP stadium vendor and inventor of the playoffs) can pull a few strings with ESPN and the Cougars are in.
Change one letter and this loss makes more sense: There’s just one letter difference between the last names of Drew Lock and Andrew Luck. Lock, the Missouri starting freshman quarterback looked like Andrew Luck, the NFL quarterback star against the BYU defense with a 19-28 for 244 yards and 1 touchdown performance. The Cougars shouldn’t be ashamed of getting lit up by a QB whose last name is in the same area code as that of a proven NFL star and a guy, based on his performance against BYU’s defense, looks destined to win the Heisman Trophy and be a top five pick in the NFL draft when he comes out early.
BYU dominated the game: Don’t let the stats fool you. Pay no attention to the time of possession. The Cougars controlled this game except on both sides of the line of scrimmage, and in the running game and losing the coordinator’s battle on both sides of the ball. If Missouri had only scored 14 points, BYU would have won. And if the Tigers hadn’t cheated by running plays that BYU had never seen before on film, this would have been a big victory for the Cougars.
Missouri, the SEC East Sixth Place (1-5) Team would love to have BYU’s talent: Don’t think for a minute that Gary Pinkel wouldn’t trade straight across BYU’s roster for his Mizzou roster. Who wouldn’t want more speed, more athleticism and playmakers that BYU has? Just think what Missouri’s SEC record would be with BYU talent.
Nick Saban and Urban Meyer are taking notice: The perennial national championship contenders have their eyes on BYU who is nipping at their heels. These two astute and successful coaches know that BYU is just one juco receiver with legitimate speed, a running back with some shake, burst and power, and four new offensive and defensive linemen away from making some serious noise. Throw in two corners who can actually play press coverage and BYU is just a heartbeat away from becoming the next Boise State. Yes, that Boise State, that lost to New Mexico Saturday night in Idaho.
Bronco Bob and Dr. Bob’s Turn to Spin It
"I think our team was resilient, we fought hard, but had a few critical mistakes," head coach Bronco Mendenhall said. "A few penalties and turnovers at the wrong time. In a close game, you expect those things to make the difference.” “They’re hurt,” coach Bronco Mendenhall said of his team’s mood. “We really believed we’d come here and win and our team believed all the way to the very end that we could win the game. It stings.”
"This has been two weeks now that we've hit a lull," said offensive coordinator Robert Anae. "I believe it is simply a matter of being determined, and being self-assured and confident. We have had a couple guys that have been hurt. That's really no excuse. It comes down to executing and being decisive with the guys you have."
Jenkin Lloyd Jones Spins It
Jenkin Lloyd Jones (November 14, 1843-September 12, 1918), was a pioneering Unitarian minister, missionary, educator, and journalist and often quoted by President Gordon B. Hinckley in some of his talks. His most well-known quote in LDS circles could apply to BYU football and its fans.
Here it is, with the appropriate insertions where needed.
“There seems to be a superstition among many thousands of our young men and women (insert BYU football fans here) who hold hands and smooch in the drive-ins that marriage is a cottage surrounded by perpetual hollyhocks (insert national title hopes here) to which a perpetually young and handsome husband (insert Heisman hopefuls here) comes home to a perpetually young and beautiful wife (insert an undefeated season here). When the hollyhocks wither and boredom and bills (insert multiple losses here) appear the divorce courts are jammed. …
“Anyone who imagines that bliss in marriage (insert a high level of success against national football big boys) is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he has been robbed.
“The fact is most putts don’t drop. Most beef is tough. Most children grow up to be just people (insert most BYU coaches and players are just normal and not exceptional). Most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration (insert Bronco and BYU football fans here). Most jobs are more often dull than otherwise. …
“Life is like an old-time rail journey—delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed (insert a plethora of 8-5 seasons and 4 straight losses to Utah with occasional wins against Texas and Nebraska).
“The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride (insert be grateful you are not a Fresno State or Utah State fan).”
HB’s Spin
Being a BYU fan is a diversion, not a divine destiny disappointment. Win, lose or draw, watching BYU football and basketball is always better than doing yard work, laundry or watching Real Housewives of Orange County.
As Jenkin Lloyd Jones says above, sometimes a high degree of mutual toleration is needed to be a Cougar fan, but I’m still committed to the project. I may not always like the story lines, but for the most part, the characters portrayed by BYU athletics are interesting and inspiring
Same for the future football schedules, especially next season with Arizona, Utah, Boise State, Michigan State, West Virginia and Cincinnati all on the road. Home games in Provo include UCLA, Toledo and Mississippi State.
It will certainly be interesting and inspiring, but I think next season may help me learn to more fully appreciate yard work and laundry.
Full Flavor Cougars Up Next
Long Beach State Already Beat BYU-Lite
I could drone on about LBSU’s five new transfers and how they handled BYU-Hawaii with ease last week. I could extoll the beauties of BYU’s trouncing of UVU last week.
Instead a picture, especially a moving one, is worth a 1000 words. Here then is Long Beach State, BYU’s opponent set for late, late tonight in moving pictures. Click here to get a glimpse of what the Cougars will see tonight.
Click here to see how you can see the game. If you live in Hawaii you just need a nice Diet Coke to stay away. If you live in California, it will take two. In Utah, at least one Red Bull energy drink will be required. If you are on the East Coast, You will need two Red Bulls, one 5-hour Energy drink or a good dvr.
This game is part of the ESPN Tip-Off Marathon. Game time is set for 10:45 pm Pacific Time. No that is not a typo. That means 11:45 in Utah and 1:45 am on the east coast.
Kyle Davis had an early dose of Red Bull last week in BYU’s 85-54 win over UVU in Provo. All the junior did was haul in 20 rebounds and score 17 points. He had energy and plenty of it.
Here are some of my quick observations about BYU. Kyle Collinsworth still has game. He just doesn’t have an outside shot. If he did, he would be playing in the US next year. Now it looks like he will have to ply his trade overseas.
To plagiarize from a subscriber who sent me an email with his observations, here is what he says about Corbin Kaufusi: Still doesn't look like a basketball player. As long as the announcers and writers keep saying that he has "loads of potential" and "a great basketball body" and that "he's really been working on his inside game" etc.--you will know that he's not there yet. Will he ever get there? Who knows? He's only a sophomore, but now he has a year of experience behind him and there should be fewer excuses. We will see. Kaufusi is still figuring it out.
Nate Austin is still Nate Austin. Can’t score in the post, but can rebound, defend and take charges. Jamal Aytes is still Jamal Aytes, nobody knows if he can play or not. Rose says he can, but he will have to prove it. Freshman Jakob Hartsock and Braiden Shaw show promise and potential, but are still unproven at this level.
Bottom line: BYU will go as far as their inside play will take them. Dave Rose has plenty of guard options that he can tinker and toy with. Guard play will not be the problem. How the bigs of BYU play will determine how this season goes. We should get a good look at that scenario tonight.
In basketball recruiting, the Cougars inked three players last week. Two are on the lay-away plan with missions first. That would be Gavin Baxter and Conner Harding. The third is Yoeli Childs, a 6-7 post player. Click here for the latest from BYU on their signings.
Women Win
It was a good week for the BYU women sports scene. The Cougars took two volleyball wins on the road against Portland and Gonzaga and will finish off the regular season this week at home against Santa Clara and San Francisco. The Lady Cougars are in first place and finish out the regular season with three home matches against Santa Clara, a team that gave the Cougars one of their two league losses, San Francisco and Pepperdine.
In soccer, the BYU women defeated UVU 1-0 in the opening round of the National tournament. Now it’s on to Stanford for a Thursday matchup against No. ranked Stanford. The last time the two teams met, the Cardinal bested BYU 1-0.
In basketball, Jeff Judkins and his crew defeated UVU 78-62 behind a career high 27 points by Mackenzie Morrison Pulsipher and 19 points from Lexi Eaton Rydalch. Now it gets tougher as BYU travels to face a very tough Oklahoma team with exceptional quickness.
In cross country, both the women and the 3rd ranked men will both advance to participate in the National Cross Country championships to be held this Saturday, November 21 at Louisville.
Television Timetable
BYU vs. Long Beach State (M Basketball)
Monday, November 16 at Long Beach
Tipoff: 11:45 pm MST
TV: ESPN2
BYU vs. Santa Clara (W Volleyball)
Thursday, November 19 at Provo
Start Time: 7:00 pm MST
TV: BYUtv
BYU vs. Adams State (M Basketball)
Friday, November 20 at Provo
Tipoff: 7:00 pm MST
TV: BYUtv
BYU vs. Fresno State (Football)
Saturday, November 21 at Provo
Kickoff: 1:00 pm MST
TV: BYUtv