801 372 - 0819 <mailto:hbarnett@fiber.net> hbarnett@fiber.net 1391 West 800 South - Orem, Utah 84058 Vol. 36, Issue 19C- December 18, 2015 Click Here To Order or Renew Your Subscriptions <http://cougarclicks.com/product/Order-Cougar-Sportsline?ID=3173> BYU's Straw Bale for White Smoke Now in Place I have a Spanish Fork Rodeo Grounds source telling me that he thought he saw Tom Holmoe at the barns yesterday buying a bale of straw. The same guy said he thought he saw Holmoe's right hand man, Brian Santiago loading the bale into the back of a Bronco. Anybody see any irony in that scenario. In case you don't have any farming, ranching or pyromaniac skills, a straw bale produces white smoke, when combined with metallic zinc dust with elemental sulfur, and when lit with an official and fully NCAA licensed BYU Bic lighter, which currently is not available at the official BYU Store (formerly known as the official BYU Bookstore). In case you don't know anything about Papal Ascendency and passing the torch between head football coaches at BYU, white smoke is what we all are looking for. Holmoe has his man, his straw and match, both in the phosphorus and pigskin sense. Now all he needs is for the inversion and diversion of the Las Vegas Bowl and Bronco Mendenhall as a lame duck coach to lift and let BYU light its fire and announce its hire with clean air and a clean slate. When I typed in Straw Bale at Google Translate and asked for the Tongan translation, Kalani Sitake came up. That is what I also expect to come up now after BYU has put all of its smoke through the Cougar and Church catalytic converter. I'm no promotional expert, but if I was BYU, I would have Sitake come out of the tunnel before the game carrying the Alumni Flag and let the fan fighting in the stands begin. The collection of a staff has already begun. In case you didn't know, anybody hired to work at BYU or the LDS Church has to have either a temple recommend or an temple worthy endorsement from their Bishop. No recommend, no job for LDS assistant coaches. If a coach is non LDS, he just needs an equivalent ecclesiastical endorsement. I look for Guy Holliday to be on the new staff. Since recruiting will be a big emphasis with the new head coach, Holliday already has connections to Texas and has been Holmoe's right hand man during the last two weeks in keeping contact with BYU recruits. I'm not so sure that Steve Kaufusi and Paul Tidwell will survive the transition. We shall see. If they don't make the cut, don't look for BYU athletic department to cut them from the payroll, however. They have plenty of pastures and positions to be filled. With Sitake, here are some names that I think will be in play as assistant coaches and staff. Justin Ena - linebacker coach at Utah Ilaisa Tuiaki -defensive line at Oregon State Ed Lamb - head coach at Southern Utah Brandon Doman - former coach at BYU Ty Detmer - high school coach, but watch this video <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BqS7nMv5l7s&sns=em> for qualifications Guy Holliday - current BYU wide receiver coach HB Arnett - custodian and keeper of straw bales and white smoke coordinator Television Timetable BYU vs. Western Michigan (M Basketball) Friday, December 18 at Provo Tipoff: 7:00 pm MST TV: BYUtv BYU vs Utah (Football) Las Vegas Bowl Saturday, December 19 at Las Vegas Kickoff: 1:30 pm MST TV: ABC
