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Vol. 38, Issue 4, August 25, 2018
Milk of Mangumesia
Tanner Mangum has been named BYU’s starting quarterback. We have all watched him for the last three seasons. Here is my visual milk of mangumesia evaluation of those seasons and the coming year. If you don’t agree with my assessment and I cause you heartburn, then buy your own bottle and use directions for appropriate dosage and usage.
2015 Freshman Year: Original and Best Version
You don’t become ESPN’s college quarterback poster child without putting up some pretty good highlights and play on the field. That is what Mangum did with Hail Mary’s to beat both Nebraska and Boise State. This was the Original Mangum that completed 60% of his passes for 3377 yards, 23 touchdowns and just 10 picks. Did I mention that he should have beat UCLA on the road that same year except for some cromangumesiam play calling and time management by the BYU coaching staff.
The Original Mangum went down smoothly with BYU fans. As the bottle says, he was cramp free. So was the Cougar fan base.
2016 Sophomore Year – Sugar Free Version
This was Tanner’s sugar free year. He spent his time on the headsets and listening to Ty Detmer tell Taysom Hill what to do and when to do it. He did see some minor action after another Hill injury late in the season and consequently didn’t redshirt. He faced Wyoming in the San Diego County Credit Union Bowl where he turned in a not totally a cramp-free, but rain-soaked winning performance. He also beat Wyoming and their eventual No. 1 round draft pick Josh Allen. In my opinion, he didn’t have enough playing time and reps to allow for an encore performance of his first season
2017 Junior Year – Wild Cherry Version
In 9 games, before his season-ending Achilles injury, Mangum was Wild Cherry in his passing stats. He completed just 147 of 247 attempts for just 1540 yards. It was no cherry on top of his wildness that he also threw just 8 touchdowns and 9 interceptions. It wasn’t his finest hour or season as a BYU quarterback. While Mangum took the fan heat, it became painfully obvious that there were bigger coaching and talent issues that led to this 4-9 disastrous (by BYU football standards) season. Still when you are the poster child of a football program, there is a need for plenty of Milk of Magnesia and major changes.
2018 Senior Year – Big Gulp and Big Volume Version
Kalani Sitake made a volume gulp of his own Milk of Magnesia and gave the axe to almost his entire offensive staff. He opted for the equine gallon bottle variety while cleaning house and offensive cramps. Jeff Grimes doesn’t know much about horses, but he coached a stable full of “horses” in his SEC coaching career. He knows what they should look like and how they should play. That includes Mangum. He is still a horse, but just needed a new trainer. I don’t think he will be as spectacular of a reprise and remake of the true story of the horse portrayed in the movie “Seabiscuit”, but I do look for a major redemption for Mangum and BYU. If not, meet me at Walgreens and the Milk of M is on me.
Other BYU
Football
Beverages
Available
For this Season!
If you aren’t buying my take on Tanner Mangum, then there is a sold backup plan. Actually, there is a solid, and some say, including me at times, spectacular backup quarterback behind Mangum in freshman Zach Wilson. We will call him our Pepto Bismol backup beverage.
And of course, if neither Mangum or Wilson or the entire BYU football team doesn’t work out like we hope and think it will, then there is always the perpetual blue kool aid. A few sips of it and 2019 looks good.
I’m So Convinced
that Tanner Mangum will have
a big senior year and BYU will
win at least 7, and more than
likely 8 games, I am willing
to bet my butt and beverages on it!
I’m not sure of the logistics or logic of this wager, but if BYU doesn’t win at least 7 football games this season, I will send all paid subscribers a can each of my personal stash of Diet Mtn Dew and Diet Dr Pepper. If they do win 7 or more games, you buy your own cans and at the designated day and time, we will all chug down one can and then happily in unison burp BYU to celebrate the return of Cougar football.